Nobody Said It Was Easy
by winninghearts
Summary: "What do you say we go on a little adventure?" He shows up on her doorstep, new haircut and a suit, and like always, River cannot refuse.


It's almost eleven at night when she hears the knock on her door and, instantly, River knows who it is. She just always has a feeling when the Doctor comes calling, and the hair on her arms seems to stand up in excitement as she drops the clothes she had been folding and makes her way down the stairs. An odd feeling knots in her stomach as she makes her way down the stairs. Recently they had become even more directly back-to-front than normal, only seeing the Doctor who really knew her a few times. River had become accustomed to the growing gap in their familiarity, keeping more and more secrets from him, and the last time she had seen him, he had looked different. He had regenerated. Or he hadn't yet regenerated. A thin man with spiky hair and only a vague familiarity of who she was.

She knows only the right version of her Doctor could come here, though. She opens her door and there he is.

"Hello, sweetie," he says.

And she is right, it is the Doctor, but even more, _her_ Doctor. She can tell, just by looking at him, how old he is. He is not pinstripes and brown coats; he does not wear an uncomfortable expression of not knowing where he stands. He is her Doctor, wearing a suit she has never seen, bow tie still in place. It is all pressed and clean and it almost makes River want to laugh. She shouldn't be so happy to see him.

"I know I haven't been the best," the Doctor says.

"You have actually been," River replies, "Quite far from the best." She wants to look him down with a stony glare. It is impossible, with his clothes and his smile and his not-as-floppy hair. "At least you cut you hair for me. I can see your eyes." River can swear he flinches as she reaches up to touch his hair, but it is swept away with one of his massive smiles, and he places his hands on her hips.

"What do you say we go on a little adventure?"

River gives a glance up the stairs, hesitating in her answer. "Only if we come back to the exact moment we left," she finally says. "And nowhere with trouble. Promise me." He nods, of course.

He takes her to the Singing Towers of Dorillian. She's never been, but he has mentioned it a time or two, and River is glad that he is finally making good on his promise to go.

"We'll see them better from up here," he says, brushing his face against her neck as they lay a blanket on top of the hill. Without hesitating River takes a kiss from him, slow and wanting, and she sighs with the greatest content when he puts his hands on her neck and pulls her in with him. She had sometimes thought she would never get to do this again, that she would keep meeting Doctors with no affection for her, Doctors who were nice, but also wary and suspicious. But now she is here, here with her Doctor, and she tries to keep her brain from asking _where have you been?_ She justs wants to enjoy it while she can.

"So, what having you been up to, dear?" he asks, his voice silky, and this is the Doctor who knows everything again. He knows all about her, so asking is simply a courtesy. As if to encourage her, he begins nuzzling her neck. His face has the slightest bit of stubble and it scratches just the way she remembers as he places kisses over her body.

"Besides the usual, I've been teaching a course," she says, body squirming as he makes his way down her. "And I've actually g-got a house a few months ago, as you saw. How did you get that address, anyway?"

He looks up from the left palm he had been kissing. "Spoilers," he says, and River knows he gets great joy from it. He smiles a silly Doctor smile again as he moves on to her hips, pushing up her top slightly to show a nice expanse of skin.

"I'm actually taking a bit of time off to lead a few expeditions," she continues, loving the way his hands hold her waist as he tickles the top of her knees with his lips. "We're leaving tomorrow morning for the Library, for the Felman Lux corporation."

And suddenly River can feel something else along with the scratchiness of the Doctor's face. The slightest dampness, wet tears mixed in with his kisses on her leg, and the Doctor sits up and looks away, wiping his eyes.

"Doctor, what-"

The Doctor shushes her, which she normally would _not take_, but River is so confused and his expression is so unreadable that she just lets him pull her closer. "Shh," he says. "The towers; they've started singing. Listen. It's so beautiful."

* * *

><p>They arrive back the house at 11:01, and River unlocks the front door quietly. She pauses in the threshold. "Are you coming in?" she asks, holding the door part way open for him. He nods quickly and slips in, River gently closing it behind him. They both take soft steps up the stairs, then stop at the first door at the top. It is already partially cracked, letting a little stream of light in from the hallway. The Doctor pushes it open further.<p>

She's asleep in her bed, small body curled up into the fetal position around a stuffed animal, sheets kicked off almost to the floor. The Doctor instantly goes to move them back up, and as they hit her shoulders just so lightly, she stirs. Her body unfolds itself, and, laying flat on the bed now, she squeezes her eyes tightly before opening them.

"And what happened to the girl that slept like a rock?"

She climbs up out from under the covers sleepily to be next him. Her little arms take him into a hug, no apologies necessary, and the Doctor leans his chin on her head full of curls.

He stays with her until she's asleep again, two stories and promise later. _"I will be here here in the morning. I will. Yes, cross my hearts."_

The door is closed to a crack with even more care for silence than when he entered, and the Doctor exits into the hallway to find River waiting for him.

"Snow White and the Seven Keys to Doomsday? Really?"

"It's a classic," the Doctor says with an easy smile. He then glances back to the bedroom. "I was thinking...I was thinking that, maybe, well. Maybe I should take her while you're gone. Some proper bonding time with me, and the TARDIS."

There is no immediate answer from River. She stares at him, sucking in air through her teeth and sighing. She turns to flick out the hall light and starts down the stairs. The Doctor follows her, step by step, right on her heels.

"River. I promise, everything will be safe. We won't even go anywhere, we'll just sit on the TARDIS and eat Jammie Dodgers."

"That's not what I'm worried about," River says, entering the kitchen. She pulls two wine glasses down and grabs a bottle of red. She raises an eyebrow at the Doctor, who makes a bit of a face, and she returns his glass to the cabinet.

"You don't think I believe that you would keep her safe?" She pours her drink into the glass, filling it not even halfway before returning the bottle to its original place. "Sweetie, I know you would give your lives, all of them, to keep her from losing one. That's not the point." She's holding on to the countertop, not moving or looking back at him.

"Then what is?"

"It has been eight months." River turns toward him again and sits down at the kitchen table. "It has been eight months since you have come to see us. I was actually starting to think you wouldn't come back. The proper you, that is. And don't worry about me, I am fine, and busy, and I signed up for it, but she didn't." Her voices gathers a softness to it that she almost wishes it wouldn't. "She'll be four soon. I'm not cross. I knew how it would be, but I don't want it to be so confusing for her, you swooping in and out on a moment's notice. She does cry for you sometimes."

"River, don't tell me that."

"Since when do I sugarcoat things for you? Since when do you ask me to?"

The Doctor rubbed his eyes and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "No, no, you're right. I know. I've been complete rubbish at this entire thing." He clenches his fists as he puts them on the table, but River reaches out for them.

"Well," River says, taking his hands and lacing her fingers through them with a bit of a smile. "Neither of us are exactly cut out for this parenting thing, are we?"

"Oh, don't. You're brilliant."

River laughs softly, squeezing his hands. "I just left my sleeping toddler to go with you to listen to the towers sing on a strange planet. Tomorrow I am leaving my toddler with a six-armed sitter on a strange planet so I can go for a weeklong archaeological exploration on _yet another_ strange planet. I make questionable decisions, sweetie."

"Leave her with me."

Her hands fall from his, and she isn't sure exactly why she is so hesitant. "I don't know-"

"Leave her with me. It will be fine, I promise." He reaches out and touches her hair, letting his finger tangle in a curl before sliding it down her face. "I will stay with her and she will be safe and I promise not to let her eat too many biscuits. Mostly. And when you get back, we'll all go somewhere lovely together. Henvic Minor, Florana, Disneyland Klom."

"And you'll stay here tonight?"

River is on his side of the table now, pulling at his braces and sliding her fingers over the very tips of his hair. He can't help but fall into her, a hand on one cheek as he kisses her. She crawls into his lap and he leans back to accommodate her, both hands making their way around her waist as she leans farther in.

"Yes," he says when their lips finally separate, though still a breath away. She rests a head on his shoulder and it is so isimple/i in this moment that it has become difficult to imagine why it has been so hard.

"And you'll keep her close," she says into his neck. "And when I come back, we'll be together. She needs you, you know." River doesn't speak about her need, because even in this intimate moment, something in her just won't allow her to let him know.

The Doctor presses his forehead against hers with a soft smile, tangling his hands back in her hair. She feels his warm breath on her as he speaks. "Yes."

* * *

><p><em>Rule #1: The Doctor lies<em>

* * *

><p>It is mid-morning on a Saturday.<p>

Amy has set up in the conservatory with an easel and canvas. Having recently discovered a renewed interest in art, she finds actual act of painting a stress-reliever, but most of her creations are disappointing her.

She dips her brush into a heavy blue and is just about to cover up a misplaced yellow streak when she hears the noise, grinding and wheezing outside. Startled, she accidentally lets her brush slip, leaving a heavy blotch across the painting, but she doesn't pay it any mind. She jumps up to face the garden, and through the glass door she watches the TARDIS materialize between the bushes.

She waits for the Doctor, holding her breath as she anticipates the door opening and him strolling out with a grin and a 'Hello, Pond!', but when he doesn't she begins to worry. Amy runs back into the house to fetch her key, hall table, first drawer. Returning to the TARDIS, she hesitates for a moment with her key in the door, than pushes her way in.

He sits by the console, head in his hands, and at first he doesn't not even notice her there. It isn't until she begins to climb the steps that he hears her shoes and looks up. He wipes his eyes quickly and it is obvious that he had been crying. His eyes are red and his voice unsteady when he smiles unconvincingly and says, "Amelia Pond."

"Doctor." She steps closer to him, nervous about whatever she is about to hear. "Doctor, what happened?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing that didn't already happened a long, long time ago." He stands up, straightening his jacket, then hold out his arms for a hug that Amy gives willingly. "I am going to ask something of you, of you and Rory," he whispers into her ear. "It is a big, big thing, but I just...cannot do it. And I am so sorry."


End file.
